So I didn’t win the lottery guys.  I’m kind of disappointed, because I was pretty sure that it was going to happen to me. But alas, it looks like my Mega Millions is going to some guy (or three) in Maryland, Illinois and Kansas.  Triste. 
 
It’s funny to me, both the kind of hype that surrounded this jackpot and also the number of people who stated jokingly (and with maybe just an ounce of hope) that they were going to win. 

I was amongst them.
 
And though I know the odds of getting struck by lightning are better, I do feel a sense of disappointment that I didn’t get to retire from my job (which I started on Wednesday) and begin the arduous task of spending a few
hundred million over a lifetime. 

I read once that all people have a slightly inflated sense of self.  We’re all basically programmed to think we’re more right, or good or lucky than the next person.  The reason was evolutionary:  people need to trust themselves and to take risks in order for the species to thrive.

I know there’s this psychological reason behind all the hype, but I m struck by the hope of people.

 I’m sure some people, completely knowing and understanding the odds - understanding the extremity of the long-shot - felt just a little bit disappointed.  Me too.  
 
I like to think it’s a human mechanism for hope.  That it’s the kind of thing that lets us imagine and believe that we
could change our lives in a big way.  It gives us a chance to dream out loud to our friends at what we would do if given the chance to change our lives.  The money is an opportunity, but more so a catalyst.  A moment where we can step outside of the norm and give ourselves a reason to make a big change.  

But, why not do it anyway? 

Sure, you don’t have $400 million dollars, but how many people said they  would travel more?  How many people said they would eat better?  How many people said they’d buy a house?
 
Sure, these things cost money, but so many of them aren’t prohibitive.  You can’t buy a house, but you can take the weekend and redo a room, or move the furniture.  Maybe you want to go on vacation – what’s stopping you from trekking out for a hike or a night out in a different city?  Why can’t you start learning to cook today? 

A better life is possible, if only we allow ourselves to have it.  Money’s not the issue.  It’s us.  It’s the little voices in our heads telling us that there are more important things to do.  More pressing issues.  That the time is later, because now, this thing needs to happen.  But that’s a false thought.  Money can come to us at any moment in our life, but time? Time is a hot commodity. There are only so many minutes left for each of us and the clock is ticking down.
 
So you and I, we may not have won the Mega Millions, but we did win one heck of a prize:  time.  Opportunity. Hope.  That’s what fantasizing is.  It’s your dreams spoken out loud.  

So I think it’s time to let evolution take over.  Trust yourself.   Believe that luck is going to be on your side.  Go out there and make your life look exactly the way you want it. Believe in yourself.  It’s just the natural thing to do.  
 
And the next time the lottery gets Mega, buy a ticket.  You never know, you may just be a one in 147 million. 

KD's note:  the original recipe calls for 8 calzones, but I double it and get about 16 out of the recipe.  They're not as dough heavy and, I think, tastes better.

Broccoli Calzones (adapted, barely, from Martha Stewart)

Ingredients
1 tablespoon olive oil
 2 packages
(10 ounces each) frozen chopped broccoli, thawed
 4 garlic cloves, chopped
 1/4 teaspoon red-pepper flakes
 1 medium red onion, finely chopped
Flour, for rolling dough

2 packages (1 pound each) balls fresh or frozen pizza dough, thawed if frozen
1 cup part-skim ricotta cheese
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1 1/2 cups shredded (6 ounces) part-skim mozzarella cheese
Coarse salt and ground pepper
Prepared tomato sauce (optional)

 Directions
 In a large nonstick skillet, heat oil over medium. Add onion; cook until softened, 4 to 5 minutes. Add broccoli, garlic, and pepper flakes. Cook, stirring occasionally, until liquid has evaporated, 5 to 7 minutes. Transfer to a medium bowl; set aside to cool.

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Form calzones: Divide dough into 16 equal pieces. On a lightly floured surface, stretch each piece out, first to a 3-by-4-inch oval, then stretch again, this time to a 6-by-8-inch oval. (Let dough rest a few minutes if too elastic to work with.) 

Stir cheeses into cooled broccoli mixture; season generously with salt and pepper. Assemble calzones: Spread a rounded 1/2 cup broccoli mixture over half of each piece of dough, leaving a 1/2-inch border; fold over to form a half-moon. Press edges to seal. With a paring knife, cut 2 slits in the top of each calzone.

Using a wide metal spatula with a thin blade, transfer calzones to 2 baking sheets lined with parchment or waxed paper; reshape if needed.  Bake until golden, about 25 minutes.  Serve with tomato sauce, if  desired.

The thing about March in Northern California is that you never know what it’s going to be.  One day, it’s beautiful, warm and balmy – you wonder how it could have ever been bad; and the next day, you’re caught in a torrential downpour, with water that chills you to the bones. 

It’s kind of like life that way.  Sometimes the sun is shining and it feels like everything is just right, suddenly, before you even know it, the tides turn and all you have is rain and clouds and gloom.

You try to weather the storm.  But it's long.  It feels like forever.  You wonder how you could possibly stand being in the rain for one more second.  You don't know what to do.  You consider goin to bed and never getting up again.  And just when you think that floods of the heavens will never cease, suddenly, just like that, the sun comes out.

You see, you can’t go through life without the rain, just like you can’t go through life with only sunshine.  They need each other, the way the moon needs the sun, the yin - the yang, the body and mind. 

We can only appreciate the sunshine because we’ve weathered the storm. 

And next time, when we see the storm on the horizon, when we hear the drip drip drips, when the clouds seem like they’ll never go away, we find that this time, we’re armed with the knowledge that, there’s no need to worry, the storm will pass and eventually, if we keep on moving, the sun will shine again.

Minestrone Soup (adapted from Michael Chiarello)

Ingredients

Extra-virgin olive oil

6 cups chicken stock

6 medium garlic cloves, each cut in 1/2 lengthwise

2 cups finely chopped yellow onions (2 small onions)

1 cup small-diced celery (2 medium stalks)

1 cup small-diced carrots (2 to 3 medium carrots)

1 tablespoon finely chopped rosemary or thyme leaves

1 (14-ounce) can cannellini beans, drained and rinsed

1 (14 1/2-ounce) can diced tomatoes 4 cups small-diced zucchini (green/yellow) (5 small zucchini)

2 cups small-diced, peeled russet potatoes (1 large russet)

Salt and freshly ground black pepper

1 cup freshly grated Parmesan

Directions

In a large saucepan over high heat, heat 2 tablespoons oil.  Add the garlic and cook until it begins to brown, about 1 minute, stirring occasionally. Lower the heat to medium and add the onions, celery, and carrots.

Cook until the vegetables are soft, 8 to 10 minutes, stirring occasionally to prevent browning. Add the chopped herbs. Raise the heat to high. Add the beans, tomatoes, zucchini, and potatoes. Add the chicken stock and bring to a boil. Then bring it down to a simmer and cook until the potatoes are tender, 12 to 15 minutes, skimming any foam off the top of the soup. Season generously with pepper. Add salt, to taste. Serve warm with Parmesan and olive oil passed at the table.

Sometimes things go crazy.  Just when you least expect them. 

It all started when I got really tired.   I’m in a social sports league where I play volleyball every Tuesday.   The sports aspect to the league involves some pretty low key volleyball games and the social part involves going to the bar after the game.  It’s pretty fly. 

So I was at my Tuesday night volleyball game.  We had a late game.  We had apparently drawn the short stick and also had to ref after.  It was a long night (and not in the fun long night kind of way).

After playing, refereeing and then driving the half hour home I dragged myself to bed, feeling all levels of tired.  I turned on my computer (a decidedly bad nighttime ritual) and slowly, ever slowly, began to inch closer and closer to my pillow.

“But wait!”  I thought to myself as I drifted closer and closer to the joy of a night’s sleep, “You really ought to get up to wash your face and take your contacts out!”

Fast forward to the morning. 

I wake up, the light of day peeping ever so delicately through my window shades.  “Oh, look, it’s 8 am” I think to myself.  “The sun is shining, the birds are twittering, I’m so glad I got up and took my contacts out – oh crap - it’s 8am?!”

(This is the part of the story where anyone who works or goes to school or generally has a real job probably is thinking that they have this story figured out.  Ha.  Wait for it.)

My alarm clock is not, for various reasons - most important of which is that I don’t actually want to unplug the alarm clock and then have to reset it - next to my bed.  I am also somewhat blind (not in the clinical sense, but it feels like it sometimes).  Which means that if I can see my alarm clock from my bed you guessed it – I still have my contacts in! 

You know how they say not to sleep in your contacts?  Yeeaaahhh, don’t sleep in your contacts.

Sleeping in your contacts can, amongst other unfortunate things, cause your cornea to get scratched, which can lead to blindness.

No, I’m not blind. 

But it does feel like it.  I’ve been forced out of my contacts and am using eye drops every four hours.  For a while there was an eye patch. 

Not hot, friends.  Not hot. 

Subsequently, I had to wear glasses until it healed.  While I don’t love having to do this, it’s not a huge deal. 

I did, of course, have to wear them during volleyball the next week.  No biggie.  It’s pretty light hearted stuff and plus, I’ve been playing since I was twelve and what could possibly happen in some little Tuesday night game?

Ha.

This can now go in the books as the first time I’ve been hit in the face with a volleyball.  Actually, “hit” is not an appropriate word, “smashed” is more like it.

Imagine if there was a giant red bulls-eye between my eyes and that’s where the guy decides to spike it as hard as humanly possible.  Right in the ol’ money maker.  I may have yelled.   I may have told the guy to learn how to play volleyball.  Possibly. 

There was blood from the gash between my eyes, a headache and now an unfortunate looking red mark.  Hoorah.

In an attempt to give the giant welt between my eyes a chance to heal, I tried to put my contact lenses back in and managed to re-scratch my cornea, prolonging the healing time (and the wearing of glasses along with it).

Additionally, this weekend I managed to: slice my finger, throw my jaw out of alignment (and subsequently have to pop it back into place) and strain my calf muscle running.  Lord.

So yeah, now would be about the time to eat cookies.  Because if you’re going to be a scratched up, four-eyes with a crooked jaw and an eye patch, you might as well be fat, too.   What the hell. 

I had some whole wheat pastry flour leftover from the brown bread, so I replaced a cup of AP flour with it.  I couldn’t even tell the difference. 

Snickerdoodles

1 cup butter

1 ½ c. sugar

2 eggs

2 ¾ c. flour à(I replaced 1 c. with whole wheat pastry flour = 1 c. pastry flour + 1 ¾ c. AP flour)

2 tsp. cream of tartar

1 tsp. baking soda

¼ tsp. salt

For the topping:

2 tbs. sugar

1 tbs. cinnamon

Wet ingredients:

Cream the butter, then add the sugar and beat until combined.  Add the eggs and beat until incorporated. 

Dry ingredients:

In a separate bowl, combine flour, cream of tartar, baking soda and salt.  Mix to combine.

Add dry ingredient to wet and mix until just combined - do not over mix.   In a separate bowl, combine the sugar and cinnamon for the coating.  Using a heaping tablespoon, roll chilled dough into balls with your hands.  Coat the outside of the dough balls in the cinnamon/sugar mixture.  Place on a cookie sheet.  

Bake for 8-10 minutes at 400*F